Hi.

It has been awhile.. Since I’ve strung words in my head and transcribed them here.

This morning, or should I say today happened to be one of those days that started ok, then it slowly changed into a catastrophic mid-day and now, at this very moment a “lose-sleep-worthy” night.

Shall I begin? Before my train of thought gets derailed.

Morning :

Woke up barely breathing and I had to scurry around in search of my trusted friend ; the ventolin inhaler. My lifeline - one that have been breathing life back to me (quite literally, if I should say so myself).

I had plans for today, one that would have easily made my year, but like all plans, they did not turn out the way I had envisioned it. I did not prepare myself for that setback. I felt my heart breaking, my eyes filled with tears.

This made my morning painful, but bearable, thus classifying it as an “OK morning”.

Mid-day :

Despite all efforts to keep my mind off things, I couldn’t brush that, for a lack of better word, sucky feeling off. Didn’t help that my room is in a mess.

My OCD kicked in. It soon went on overdrive and before I knew it, I had visions of myself clearing the junk in my room. It went on and on, replaying in my head like a broken dvd, stuck on a certain time code. Slowly the noise from the TV began to slur, sound got muffled, my head began to spun, I closed my eyes and when I opened them, I was in my room. (Ok no, exaggerating here)

Time check : 1420.

This always happens, every time I get eaten up inside by anxiety, my body decides to go on an all cleaning frenzy. While cleaning, I managed to multi-task, simultanously clearing junk and texting. I was cleaning and taking out my anger (or should I say disappointment) on someone unsuspecting. But in my defense, I felt like it was the right thing to do. I never liked being a burden to anyone. This then was followed by a domino effect of emotional downward spiral, which I shall not elaborate on further.

Time check : 1753 

Room is sparkly clean and I am fully satisfied with myself.

Now :

With whatever that happened above plus some that I’ve omitted out, my brain decides that it would be a great idea to replay everything over and over again. I’ve tossed and turned since 2245 but I am still awake. My body needs to rest, I have to be on top form at work tomorrow. But I just can’t seem to sleep.

Sigh.

The end. TL;DR? GFY!